Game summary for April 25, 2025, League of Extraordinary Zeroes campaign, Dread Roleplaying Game, for Expeditions-R-Us. Session included: April Ludgate (Zero played by Ellie Edmonds as secondary), April Ludgate (Zero played by Kayla Stout-Harmon), Jar Jar Binks (Zero played by Ellie Edmonds), Paul Blart (Zero played by Aaron Elliott), Peter Griffin (Zero played by John Edmonds), Waluigi (Zero played by Ellie Edmonds as secondary), and Waluigi (Zero played by Spencer Ford). Game Master for this session was Charles Plemons.
The League of Extraordinary Zeroes found themselves trapped at the snowbound Larchpine Lodge, where a freak blizzard had cut them off from the outside world. Supplies were limited, temperatures were dropping, and something ancient and malevolent lurked within the storm. During a chaotic night, a mysterious figure named Nick—wild-eyed, frostbitten, and covered in pine sap—crashed through the cabin chimney, raving about a monstrous creature called the Hollow Hare.
While attempting to “help” (and mostly cause more problems), the Zeroes tried to block the chimney, salt the windows, and interrogate (or just pester) the mysterious Nick—whom many were convinced was actually Santa Claus. After various hijinks involving licking peppermint staffs, experimenting with old sleepover pranks, and rearranging furniture with reckless abandon, part of the group ventured into the blizzard to check neighboring cabins.
At another cabin, they heroically (and clumsily) kicked down a door, terrifying the occupants and leading to an altercation involving a fireplace poker. On the icy trek to the main lodge, Jar Jar slipped, horribly breaking his leg in a bone-protruding, gut-wrenching fall. Napoleon Dynamite managed to set Jar Jar’s leg back at the lodge with a surprising amount of skill (he once watched his uncle set a rhinoceros bone, after all).
However, a series of poor choices led the team to assault poor Buddy O’Malley, the eternally cheerful lodge manager, knocking him unconscious and kidnapping him back to their cabin—all while evading a revolver-wielding groundskeeper, Samuel.
Back at their cabin, they finally learned from a now more coherent Nick (revealed to indeed be St. Nicholas) that the Hollow Hare, a monstrous spirit of corrupted Spring, was about to break free and spread madness through its evil eggs. To rebind the creature, they had to complete a series of rituals.
Their first mission? Dance around the “Hollow Tree” while singing Christmas carols and ringing a sleigh bell. Despite the howling blizzard, freezing temperatures, and Jar Jar’s makeshift sled journey, the Zeroes successfully performed the ritual at the ancient tree—weakening the Hollow Hare’s hold over the area, but at a terrible cost. The storm strengthened, and darker threats stirred in the snowy woods…
After completing the ritual at the Hollow Tree, the Zeroes noticed the storm intensifying, and they struggled back to their cabin through deepening snow. With Jar Jar lashed to a makeshift sled crafted from a refrigerator door, the group set out once again into the frozen wilderness. Samuel emerged from the woods and shot and killed Jar Jar, but the rest escaped! Back at the cabin, Nick explained the next part of the ritual needed to occur at the Cavern of the Hare.
On the way to the cavern, they encountered the Hollow Hare itself—a monstrous, towering creature of roots, antlers, and bloodied blossoms. The Hollow Hare told them Nick was actually Old Nick, or Satan Claus. Doubts gnawed at the group, and the Zeroes made a fateful decision: they would switch sides. Joined by Paul Blart on an all-terrain Segway, they rushed back to the Hollow Tree. Old Nick, however, intercepted and pleaded with them to help him and finish the other ritual. They refused, so he demanded his peppermint staff and key, which they would not return. He ordered his deadly fiery-hooved reindeer to kill them and get his stuff.
Paul began leading one in circles, April was impaled and killed, and Peter tamed one with a chocolate egg. They undid the ritual, weakening Old Nick and then attacked him as a group. He was defeated by impalement from a chocolate-addled reindeer. The ritual undone, the power of Spring returned… and empowered the real villain, the Hollow Hare! It began consuming people and growing larger until it devoured the world thanks to the blundering of the League of Extraordinary Zeroes!
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